Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
