you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize