I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Randomize
