Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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