dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
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