You're completely useless in the revolution.
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize