Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
