are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
