I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
His hands were made for my vagina.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
