before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
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