non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Randomize
