she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
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