First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Randomize
