I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize