I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
