he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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