so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
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