Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
