WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
