I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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