So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
