What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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