she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
