Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
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