She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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