my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
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