Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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