How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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