rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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