dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize
