Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
