who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
