You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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