we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
