When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
