No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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