wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
