I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
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