i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
No subtext here. People are naked.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
