12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
