what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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