She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Randomize
