Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
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