It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
