i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
