Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
