ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
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