Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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