I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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