ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
