What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
