I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Randomize
