You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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