i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
