"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Randomize
