I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Randomize
