A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
