Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
