I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
