Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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