Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
