She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize