I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
