i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
