At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
