dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Randomize
