I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
