Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
