if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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