Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I accidentally burped into my bong.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
