all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
