im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
