Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
