apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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